Hi there! It’s been a while. I know I haven’t been blogging much and, there’s a reason for that. A few reasons actually, and I’ll use this post to try to explain. Bear with me, I have a nine-year-old so most of our conversations have to do with Star Wars, Minecraft, Lego sets, and the importance of personal hygiene. I also have a two-year-old and, while quite verbose for a two-year-old, I can’t say we’ve been having too many conversations about philosophy and the meaning of life.
So, those of you who know me well know that almost three years ago now I had a baby, moved to a new town, moved in to my in-law’s house, and that my husband is gone A LOT for work. It was very different from my experience with baby number one…well, I was still in a new town and my husband was gone A LOT for work, but it was just me and the baby. I didn’t have to get up early to get someone off to school. I didn’t have to pick someone up from school, or take someone to practice, etc. etc. It was quiet, calm…heck, I wrote a book during those months after baby number one. With baby number two, and all the changes surrounding that event, I was completely overwhelmed.
Here it is, the Minecraft analogy.
To my recent and far-more-than-I-ever-wanted-to-know knowledge of the game, there are two modes of play. You can play in “creative” mode or “survival” mode. In creative mode you get to run around building things, mining, and going happily about your day with the assurance that neither you nor your creations will be destroyed, or that, at the very least, there are safety measures in place to allow you to rebuild without too much effort. Lovely. In survival mode, there is the constant threat of attack. You can be killed and your amazing buildings can turn to dust. Sounds stressful.
I have discovered that my brain also has two modes: creative and survival.
For about two years after baby number two, I was in full survival mode. The lack of sleep, the constant chaos and noise, the running to and from pick-ups and events with a baby who didn’t get to finish her nap, the inability to find anything because the vast majority of our belongings are in a box in storage and who the heck can remember which box you threw your kid’s piece of fool’s gold into despite the fact that finding it has now become a life or death emergency. Yeah, all of that contributed to the complete shut-down of my creative abilities. I didn’t write anything except to-do lists for those two years. I did do some editing here and there, but, not the kind of creativity I wanted, or needed.
Oh, and did I mention I started my own business. Jeesh, what was I thinking?
Oh yeah, I was thinking: I really needed to help earn some money or we are never going to have our own house.
Anyway, here we are, almost three years later, and I’ve finally switched over to creative mode.
There are still survival days but, I am sleeping at least five hours at a stretch, baby number two is able to entertain herself for brief periods, we’re established in our new, lovely town, and there is hope of being in our own home soon!
That’s it, that’s my amazing revelation.
Do you experience this also? Are you able to create in the midst of chaos or do you need a few moments of calm?